Starving and Tearing
by Vincent-The-Strange
Summary: I didn't want to do this, I loved Germany.. But if it was to protect Romano I had to do it. I would never be able to live with the guilt. But maybe the guilt i'm forced to live with now is worse than that. Who would have thought my life could change so much in one month? GerIta/SpaMano. Warnings and side pairings inside. Title subject to change over time.
1. Important please read this!

This is important, less I would like to have this story removed (And my account banned?) I need to remove this story...

Due to this story being MA

If anyone wants to talk to me about this please reach me at my Deviantart, the link will be on my profile.

Untill I get this issue cleared this story is on complete hiatus.

Thank you for the your time.

If the flag was false flagging I will continue to post and continue this story.

Actually I tried to be as non-explicit as I could, and I decided not to write anything overly explicit.

I would like to say, I am going to keep the story up.

Pfft the review was on the first chapter, go figure they didn't read the entire story.

At this point i'm not sure I should report the person or not...

Should I...?

I think it may be kinda rude...

But it would still be spam since I clearly put a warning

**The whole "WARNING" section: **

******Warnings: mentioned Sexual and normal abuse,Mentioned rape, Anorexia and Bulimia. Eating disorders. Depression. Non-con.**

And there are tons of story's out there that are like mine! So why just report mine? Or is this person just spamming people?

I am also re-uploading the first chapter..

So flag all ya' want.


	2. How it began

**Sooo, I just want to put this out there. If no one likes this, Or even pays attention to it I will be deleting it, in a week from today.** I do not hate Turkey, me and my friend decided a Dark!Turkey or Snapped!Turkey would work for this story. Actually I don't hate any Hetalia characters. ^^ So please enjoy. Rated for not very descriptive, but it's there: rape/sexual content.

Main pairings: GerIta and Spamano.

Side: One-sided Dark!Turkey/Romano (Beginning) Then One-sided dark!Turkey/Italy.

**Warnings: mentioned Sexual and normal abuse,Mentioned rape, Anorexia and Bulimia. Eating disorders. Depression. Non-con.**

**This is in Italy's point of view. (It may be OutOfCharacter)**

Not very many people are reading past the first chapter... Is this story really that bad..?

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Fat, disgusting, dull red-brown hair, puke-ish honey brown eyes. That was all I could see when I looked in the mirror. I wasn't always keeping up on my look, being the human representation of northern Italy. Most people normally see me as the happy go lucky pasta lover, well I still am I guess. On the outside.

I've been lying to Germany and Japan about something's, I'm too afraid to tell anyone about. About a month ago I was in town shopping for Romano; I was buying him more food, since he was almost out. While I was out shopping I ran into Turkey, I mean I literally ran into him. Literally.

"I-I'm sorry!" I remembered yelping, looking up at him. I felt bad Turkey was really nice to me, he even got my camera back from the guy who stole it when me and Germany were sightseeing. Romano always told me to avoid him, going off about how all Turkey wants is the money we got from nanno. Well those reasons, and that I defeated him one time.

"Its okay Italy, I was just heading over to see Romano!" He smiled, going to grab my bag that was now lying in a puddle. Why did it have to rain today? It was so beautiful out this morning! "What are you doing out here?"

"Oh! I-I'm getting food for Romano," I replied, I felt nervous talking to him for some reason, it wasn't a shy feeling, for some reason it was close to just flat out fear. I just wish I never ran into him.

"Really? Cool! Do you think I can go with you?" He smiled, for some reason it made me uncomfortable, it was then I noticed he had a back pack on, something was hanging out of it. "If you want we can get ice cream."

I perked up at the mention of ice cream, I love ice cream! Vanilla is my favorite flavor! "Ve~ Sure!" I smiled, taking my bag of groceries. We walked down a desolate street, as we walked I got a better look at what was hanging out of his back-pack. I gulped slightly, not knowing what came over me. I yanked at what was hanging out.

I almost screamed. It was a rope, when I pulled it out I somehow, also knocked a sleeping drug out. I looked at Turkey, who now looked like he could kill.

"V-ve.. W-what is this.. Were you.. Were you planning on hurting Romano?" I asked holding the rope tightly, half thanking this was an empty street half wishing it wasn't. "Or were you planning on conquering him while Spain is away! What were you planning on doing!"

I remembered I was shouting those words, afraid of what Turkey was going to do to Roma.. The thing that set me off the most was the look in Turkey's eye's... It scared me..

"Do you want to know..?" He said to me darkly. The wind picked up, blowing my auburn hair and his brown hair in every which way direction one could think of. His glare cut through me like daggers. Ever hear that when you're so scared you can't even move?

I was petrified at that moment.

I was so scared I couldn't even bring myself to scream and call out for Germany to come save me. I gulped trying to nod. "S...Si.."

He smirked, unnerving me even further. "I've wanted to have a romantic relationship with Romano since he was a kid. But Spain would never let it happen." Turkey glared at me, his dark brown eyes flared with an emotion that sent fear throughout my entire body, "So I decided I'd wait until Spain left to visit France for a week, and then I would strike."

I wanted to just beg him to leave Romano alone, I felt like I needed to do something to protect my brother from this.. Monster.. I know this isn't the Turkey I once defeated, something darker and more sinister lied behind his dark brown eyes. "W-wait."

I knew I sounded weak, I've always been weak. I only defeated him because he brought up Holy Rome when he tried to conquer me. How he knew Holy Rome.. Well I don't feel like asking.

"V-ve~" My verbal tick was kicking in. "W-what if I was your substitute for Romano..? You just have to promise not to hurt him. Ever."

Turkey looked me over, in an uncomfortable manner. As if he was undressing me with his eyes. I wanted to shrink into a ball and hide. I felt like I was dishonoring my family.. I knew I would regret this. But I don't want Romano to have to go through something like this without expecting it. I knew I would feel like I'm betraying Germany, even though we aren't together. I truly love Germany, I truly do. I'd do anything to make Germany happy.

The brunette grunted at me and nodded, "Sure, I guess that will work. I won't bother Romano, but I get someone to have in his spot. But you'll need to work on your appearance. You may be Italian, but you look terrible in those cloths."

I looked at him, my honey colored eyes widened. What happened to Turkey? He was never like this. Did he go insane? Now that I think about it.. Was he stalking Fratello? Watching and waiting for the day Spain left? Just to.. _Rape_ him..?

"You'll also need to lose some weight.. All that pasta must be getting to you." He sneered, that certainly hurt. Was he saying I was f-...Fat..? I looked down, maybe he was right.. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was. "Maybe when you do, you'll look as good as your brother."

I looked at him. I was confused, what happened to Turkey..? Why was he acting like this? Did him loving Romano so much drive him to this?

My thoughts were interrupted by the harsh tug on my arm. "Come on, It's time for you to become a substitute."

I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. I didn't want to do it. If anything I wanted my first time to be with Germany. I didn't want to lose my virginity like this, but if it kept Romano safe then I guess I could handle this.

I was so wrong when I thought I could handle the first time. He forced me into an empty alleyway.

The guilt that washed over me with every moment, I let tears slip.

_Romano, Nanno, Germany... Please forgive me if you ever find out about this.._

That was all I could think through the pain. I wanted to run to Germany and cling to him and feel his comfortable, protecting embrace.

When Turkey was done, I felt disgusted with myself.

"I'll see you soon Italy, just remember." He looked me dead in the eye's "Don't tell anyone."

I nodded watching as he walked away. I pulled my pants back up, flat out running to the nearest bathroom to clean myself. I was so disgusted I sunk down the door, now realizing I left the groceries. All that came from me were choked sobs and muffled apologies.

_ I didn't want to do this, I loved Germany.. But if it was to protect Romano I had to do it. I would never be able to live with the guilt. But maybe the guilt i'm forced to live with now is worse than that. Who would have thought my life could change so much in one month?_

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Welllll... This is really bad. I bet it is. Forget that this is terrible, but I loved this idea and wanted to make it. -_-' Oh well. THIS IS A GERITA STORY! I just want to make that clear! Also Turkey is Snapped!/Dark!Turkey so he will be kind of.. Dark and sadistic.. Please don't hurt me!

-I edited this chapter! Hehe, I hope its better now.-


	3. Who'd ever guess?

**Heyyy!~ So people like this story so far. I'm actually going to start the third chapter now!~ Oh yeah and this chapter isn't as bad as the first chapter! Please review~ Its very much appreciated.**

**Edit: Thank you 'ToLazyToLogIn' For correcting some of my spelling errors. You had me fooled, you're really good at English ._. I'm also glad I got you to kinda like Germany and Italy ^^ I'm also being lazy and have to do stuff today so the next chapter is gonna take some time ^^;**

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I frowned, the memory hitting me like a sack of Germany's raw potatoes, which hurts a lot! That was at least a month ago maybe more, who would have known that I could lose all my self-worth in such short time? Anytime I met up with Turkey, he'd say something along the lines of. 'You look disgusting did you even look in the mirror?' I didn't like this side of Turkey.. It scared me. But it's my duty to keep Romano safe, as his is to keep me safe_. When he finds out about this he's going to think he's a terrible brother. _

Thanks to every time we met up, I've either become obsessed with looking in the mirror, or I slowly began to grow so self conscious, and insecure that I began to become shy around people I don't know. I hated it! Maybe I've always been a little insecure, but it just got worse over the month. Luckily no one has noticed or brought up any inquiries. If they did notice they must not care then.

Making my way downstairs, It was pretty early. I've started having sleep problems, that and my lower back has been hurting a lot, my hips are also bruised. So I also started wearing cloths to sleep. Shocker huh? I'm just to nervous now to sleep_ without_ cloths on now. I looked at the kitchen table, Germany was sitting there.

"Ve!~ Germany!" I giggled calling out to my German friend, who I may also have had a crush on.. Oh! Don't tell him! Then he may never want to be my friend! I could never live with that! "Good morning!~"

"Guten Morgen Italy." Germany seemed annoyed, I frowned he was always so stuck up and pushy! I wonder if he'd like to meet Germouser, this really cute greyish-silver cat I met, it reminded me of Germany. The stay wandered into my house during a storm once and he hasn't left since. His eye's remind me of Germany's, such a pure blue. Kind of like the sky on a cloudless sunny day. The cat lives with Romano. Even though Romano dislikes it Spain like the little kitty.

"Ve~" I attempted to smile genuinely, but it only turned out to be fake. "Would you like me to make breakfast?" I asked happily adding a small bounce into my step as I walked over to him.

He smiled looking up from his paper, it made my heart flutter, bringing small amount of happiness. "Ja, if you would like." I had to restrain from telling Germany he should smile more, he had such a handsome smile. Honestly I'm sure even some other nations think he's handsome too.

"Okay!~ Oh did you know that there's this type of pasta that Olive Garden serves, that has wurst in it! I bet you would like it!" I babbled on about one of America's restaurants that's Italian themed, there's so much pasta there! There's supposed to be an all you can eat pasta day coming up, Spain invited all the countries to come after the world meeting on Friday, which is in two days. Apparently he has an announcement to make and he wants everyone to be there to hear.

Germany sighed, going back to reading the news paper. I was looking for the bacon and eggs when Prussia came bursting into the room, shouting something about invading Austria's vital regions, and a very tired looking Austria following behind him.

"Don't tell everyone, you brain dead sack of potato's." Austria grumbled, turning slightly red. He faced me and gave a small smile "Good morning Italy, how are you?"

"I'm good Mr. Austria," I grinned, now holding the eggs and bacon. "Would the two of you like some breakfast?"

They both nodded, Prussia took a seat to the left of Germany, and Austria sat next to Prussia. Whose arm instantly went around the aristocrat's waist. I smiled at them, you would have never guessed they'd end up together, well then again, no one guessed that Ms. Hungary would end up with Liechtenstein.

Actually, a lot of people are dating someone no one would have guessed. Like Japan, he's dating Greece. Maybe I could have guessed that, when Japan isn't with the Axis he's with Greece. Sometimes he'll come home wearing cat ears; I think it's cute that Japan does that for Greece.

I stared at the stove, putting two pans on it, one for the eggs and the other for the bacon. As I started cooking, I was getting nervous, and that was because I'm afraid one of the three men at the table will notice the bruises on my hips and waist. It wouldn't be too hard either. The bruises could be noticed in an instant if my shirt moved up, I'm just glad it's a really baggy shirt. Well, I don't think it could be considered baggy.., I swear I must have gained a lot of weight. Maybe Turkey was right.

"Italy.. Italy.. Italy!" I jumped when Germany screamed; looking over at the table the three of them shared concerned looks.

"Is something wrong, Italy? You look upset.." Austria frowned, looking at me. How much I wanted to tell them, but I don't want Romano to get hurt. What kind of brother would I be?

"Ve!~ Nope! I'm-a stupendo!~" I smiled as cheerfully as I could, flipping some eggs and moving some bacon on to a tray. I felt terrible about lying; if grandpa Rome ever found out he'd be disappointed in me.

I finished cooking the food a good forty minutes later, bringing the plates over and serving the three, Germany always says he can get the food himself but I always bring it over before he knows it's done. Germany never did like having someone take care of him. I secretly clean his house when he's at a meeting with his boss; I always tell him cleaning fairy's come to clean his house. He knows it's a silly thing but he just goes along with it.

I took my seat at the table, I wasn't very hungry. So I just picked at the food. Slowly my mind slipped into the past month or two thinking of every time me and Turkey met up he only got darker and darker. Until a few days ago, the last time we met up, I made the mistake of calling out to Germany for help, even though I said in just barely a whisper, Turkey heard.

The bruises that I got from that night, hurt a lot more than when I got them. No matter what or when we did it, (Not on my own free will of course) Turkey was always forceful, I tried imagining that he was Germany.. But I knew Germany would never be as rough as Turkey had been.

How many times had it been that me and Turkey met up now?

I think it was almost 15..

Fifteen painful meetings, fifteen painful nights. When I said he heard me whimpering Germany's name in fear. He sounded like he was going to kill someone.

Austria's voice broke through my thoughts, "Well, It has been nice staying here but me and Prussia must take our leave."  
Germany nodded, not exactly caring. Well I think. I know deep down, Germany must care for his older brother.

"Kesese~ Bye Vest! Italy!" Prussia laughed taking Austria's hand and dragging him out the door, at this point I looked up to the spots they were sitting. Of course they left the dishes for Germany. Oh well I'll wait for Germany to meet with his boss and I'll clean them. I think he's leaving soon anyway

"Italy, I have a question.." Germany sounded.. Worried. Oh no.. Did he see the bruises? No no no no! He.. He couldn't have possibly seen them! Nervously I nodded for him to ask his question. "Is everything all right? It's not like you to be avake as early as you vere." His accent sunk into his words, which only happens when he's worried. The thought of him worrying about me made my stomach flip in happiness.

"Si! I'm fine Germany! .. Shouldn't you be heading to that meeting with your boss?" I asked, handing him his briefcase and pushing him towards the door. "You don't want to be late!"

I wanted to hurry and clean the house for Germany, then go check on Romano. All I could do was worry about him for the past two months! Every time I go to check I always get so worried. Only to find Romano safely picking tomato's with Spain.

"Ja. Ja. Fine, I'm going." Germany grumbled, he turned to me before I could close the door. His face was slightly pink, it made me giggle. "U-uh.. Thanks' for the breakfast.. It was.. G-gute."

I smiled up at him, "Ve!~ No problem Germany!~" I wonder if he was going to say anything about me not eating my food.. Even though I didn't want to talk about it, I said a quick good bye closing the door.

_It's 11:20.. _

I quickly got the dishes off the table, washing them. Hurrying to finish the other tasks, I got the broom. Once I was finished I checked the clock.

_1:12_

Huh. Longer than I expected but oh well. I decided I should tell Romano I'm on my way.

_Ring ring~ _

"What the fuck do you want, bastard?" Yup. Romano's definitely okay.

"Gee~ Fratello~ Love you too!~" I replied, back waiting for him to fluster his response. "I just wanted to tell you I'm coming over!"

I could clearly hear Romano sigh through the phone, "Fine, the tomato bastards avoiding me. Saying he has some special shit planned. So do whatever the fuck you want, I kind of want some company.. D-dont tell anyone I said that! Okay idiota!?"

I tried to hold back a giggle, It was really funny when Romano acted tough. It really was.

"Ve~ I'll be over soon!~" With that I turned off my phone, checking the mirror to see how well I looked before walking out the door to head to Romano's house.

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Off to Romano's house we go!~ Over the hills and through the woods~ To Romano's house we go~!

x3 I have no clue what that was! Anyway I hope you enjoyed this~ I don't know how good this is ^^; The next chapter has one of my headcannons!~

Who wants a preview?~ Here ya go~

"Romano! Don't say that about Germany! You know he doesn't want our money! Why do you hate him so much! He hasn't done anything to you." I hugged Germouser closer, gently stoking his fur to calm him down.

Romano sighed, a melancholy look on his face. "I don t want that macho potato near you because..."

That's the preview hehe~ Should I actually even continue this story..? Just wondering ^^;


	4. There is a reason I hate him

Whoooooooooop!~ Here's chapter three~ If anyone actually is reading this crappy story e.o. Anywayyyy~ This chapter has one of my headcannons as to why Romano hates Germany. I'm already working on the fourth chapter~ Is anyone excited about Spain's big announcement? I assure you all it will be a very good one. vwv (WHO WANTS TO GUESS WHAT SPAINS ANNOUNCEMENT IS..? They'll get a shout out~)

Sooo, anyway if anyone notices any of the (Probobly a lot of mistakes) Please tell me~ ^^;

Boring chapter is boring. The next chapter will be much more interesting. Trust me U.U

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The walk to Romano's house was long.  
So when I knocked on Romano's door I was frightened by him throwing it open.

"It's about time you got back toma- Oh it's you.." Romano scowled at me, opening the door more to let me in, he sighed. "Do you know what's up with that tomato bastard?"

I shook my head no, now that I think about it; Spain has been acting different as of late. He's been planning something, and Turkey did inform me that Spain has spent close to 2,000+ dollars within the past week. Well Spain as a person did.

"Damn it, that bastard has been avoiding me for the past two days! Agh! It's so fucking annoying!... Oh yeah come and sit down." Romano pointed to one of the chairs, trying to be a little sociable. At least he's trying.

"Do you think he's working on the announcement he's going to make Friday?" I asked, plopping on to one of Romano's fancy seats. "He's probably nervous about it, no one knows what he's planning. Maybe he's planning on being a pirate again, which would be weird because we're in the year 2013."

Romano looked at me like I was an idiot. "What kind of idea is that? Idiot."

"Hey! It could happen! You never know! You said that you think Spain was sexy as a pirate! Oh! One time Spain said you looked dead sexy in a mini-skirt!" I giggled, knowing that Romano would freak-out now hearing his brother say that.

I don't see why people think I'm so innocent, I smoke cigarettes when I'm stressed. I drink wine when Germany drinks beer and we're just spending time together. Maybe I could stop by the store and but Germany a really expensive high quality beer, and I'll just get myself some wine. I think I'm almost out.

"What!?" Romano fell over, now shouting profanities like it was natural.. Wait it is natural for him. Germouser trotted over to me, mewing all the way.

"Hi, Germouser! Has Roma been taking care of you?" I smiled picking the gray cat up, holding him close to my chest, "Hey, Roma I think I can take him home, I want Germany to meet him!"

"Yes, get that cat out of this damned house! It reminds me of that disgusting potato sucker!" Romano sneered at the cat, in which he growled and scooted closer to me in a defensive manner.

"Romano! Don't say that about Germany! You know he doesn't want our money! Why do you hate him so much! He hasn't done anything to you." I hugged Germouser closer, gently stoking his fur to calm him down.

Romano sighed, a melancholy look on his face. "I don t want that macho potato near you because.. He reminds me of that kid.. You know your first love, Holy Rome? I just don't want to watch you go through that again, I don't want to have to watch my little brother live through almost a thousand years of heart break again because he fell in love and lost them, I hated seeing you cry like a widowed wife who's lost their husband in a war, I don't want to see you live through it again. I only told you I hated him because he was like everyone else who wanted our money, but I still think he wants our money and not just because he looks like that kid." ***

My eyes widened at his speech, Romano really does care about me.. Within ten seconds I was off the couch and hugging my brother, sobbing into his shirt. It meant so much to me that he would say that. It means allot to me that what I'm doing isn't in vain.

"D-do you really mean that..Roma..?" I choked through my sobs, Romano, reluctantly and gently hugged me back.

"Yes, idota. No one wants to see someone they care about in so much pain. I guess I may act like I hate you, and I may be jealous of you. But I still care about you allot.. Okay?" Romano sounded truthful, and like he's wanted to say these words for a long time. "B-but don't t-tell anyone I said an-any of t-his!"

Smiling, I looked up at my brother. "Ve~! I promise I won't Roma!"

Roma looked away, flustered "Y-you better."

"Hola! Mio Romano! I'm home!" Me and Romano turned to see Spain at the door. "Oh hello Italy!"

"Hello big brother Spain!" I grinned, now that Spain was here I didn't have to worry about him for some time, and I could go get the wine and beer I want to get, so looking at my phone. It was close to four. "Oh, I need to go! Good bye Romano, Spain!"

Smiling as they said goodbye, I hurried out the door, picking up Germouser and heading to the liquor store*.

The town was bustling with people, smiling, laughing and talking. Everyone seemed so happy, I frowned. I feel so unhappy, I'm stuck now. I can't tell Germany how much I love him; I can't tell him how much I want to be with him. I won't even be able to have my first time with him. Maybe if I tell Spain what Turkey wants with Romano, Spain could protect Roma. _But... That might cause world war 3.. Spain is serious when it comes to keeping Romano safe.. _

I walked into the store humming, gently. A man at the counter smiled and waved at me, "Hello young man, may I help you?"

"Uh, S-si! May I have a pack of your best quality German beer? And some fine wine please." I smiled, I was shy again, actually I've always been shy around people unless they're scary, or a pretty lady.

"You don't look like the type to drink alcohol kid; you look like one of those kids who are the innocent type." I slightly flinched, not enough that he would be able to see it though. If only this stranger knew the stuff I've done in the past month.. I don't think anyone would be able to think of me as a sweet innocent nation anymore, they'd all probably hate me for what I've done.

The saying was has been seen cannot be unseen comes to my mind every time now.

Right now I just want this damn alcohol to wash my worries away. At least for awhile.

"Ve~! I guess you can't always judge a book by its cover either huh?" I smiled happily taking the beer and wine into my arms, Germouser sat at my feet happily. The man nodded.

"Be safe out there kid, yer' pretty cute, I reckon there might be a few men who will try an' take advantage over ya'," The man smiled again, a slight western American accent slipped off his tongue, pfft yup. Like I didn't already know that.

"Thank you sir, common Germouser!" said animal looked up at me mewing slightly. Though none the less trotted ahead of me, walking out of the store and fallowing him I shouted, "H-hey! Slow down!"

Thank fully he stopped walking, only to jump on my right shoulder like a parakeet. Yes cat acting like a bird.

The walk back to Germany's was kinda long and annoying with Germouser almost falling every 5 minutes, but I still made it!  
"Ve!~" Swinging the house door open, I entered shouting, "Germany I'm home!~ I bought you a present!" No reply.. I walked through the house nervously, hoping Germany was okay.

To my relief and slight annoyance he was lying on the couch (Possibly asleep?), so I'd have to hide this beer in the fridge so no one can find it. Now I just have to wonder why Germany's on the couch, he normally sleeps in his bed even when he's really tired. Oh well, I got him a blanket, gently placing it on the German so he could at least have some warmth. It was the middle of December anyway; I wouldn't want him to freeze.

Germouser thought it would be funny to jump onto Germany and wake him up apparently. Germany grumbled turning over still (Somehow) asleep. I guess it would be wise to wake him up for dinner now at least.

Taking a deep breath I leaned down and gently, (Also nervously) Shook Germany, gently telling him to wake up.

"Hm..?" Germany's bright sky blue eyes blinked open, filling my heart with rainbows. "Oh Italien, Vhat do you vant?" He rubbed the back of his head, apparently not caring about being awoken.

"Ve!~ I bought you beer, it's actually really high quality!" I smiled holding the bag containing the alcohol, " I also brought Germouser over, I think he wanted to meet you! He actually reminds me of you too!"

Germouser decided at that moment to jump onto Germany's stomach while the man was lying down. Germany stared at the cat gently petting it, who purred happily.

"Vhere did you find him?" I'm actually kinda surprised Germany didn't freak out. Maybe he's just too tired to freak out. Or whatever other reason.

"Ve~ I didn't find him, he wandered into my house one day and never left. I really like him, and he reminds me of you!~ His name is Germouser." I smiled gently, sitting on the ground next to the Germanic nation. Petting Germouser with him. "He seems to like you!"

"Ja, I guess he does.." Germany picked up the purring cat, "Where were you.. I uh.. Got you something.." Germany looked away, I could have sworn I saw a pink tint on his cheeks but that might have been me.

"Hm..? Oh I was at Romano's house~ He was lonely and I thought I'd give him company~" Well that was close to true. I was checking to make sure Turkey kept his promise.

"Oh, I see, do you know who cleaned the house? It was dirty before you shoved me out the door." Germany rubbed the back of his head, looking confused, I giggled. There was no way I'm going to tell him it was me~!

"Ve~ I guess the cleaning fairies enjoy coming to clean for you Germany!~" I smiled, I felt so much better around Germany, like all my fears, worries and anything else just melted away. It suddenly hit me, I still have the beer and wine out.. "Ve~ Germany, I forgot! The present I got you were these beer's!"

Smiling I handed them to Germany, who happily took one, popping the top off, muttering a quick thank you. He sat up allowing me space to sit.

That night we sat and just drank alcohol, laughing and talking like bestfriends. Something that always makes me happy.

And that night I actually fell asleep (More like passed out) happily.

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Anywayy this chapter has my headcannon of 'Romano hates Germany because blah blah blah' Yeahhh it's probably a stupid headcannon, but I think the idea kinda fits..?

Did anyone even read this whole chapter?

Like I said before whoever can guess Spain's announcement will get a shout out.

Bleeehhh Panda's taking her leave.

Peace.

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BLEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHH THIS CHAPTER MAKES MY EYES WANT TO BLEEEEEED.


	5. I deserve to die not just kidding

**Hey guysss~ I'm just going to run around in a circle cause this is the longest chapter I have ever written, a lot is happening in this chapter so it may be confusing, (Though it doesnt confuse me but I do not know about others...) This story is now over 10,000 words! -Rolls around screaming-**

**Alsoooo Italy runs into Turkey and stuff happens uhm.. **

**So this chapter is rated for rape, but not explicit... I hope.**

**I do apologize about my Devart account, it got suspended thanks to a troll, I'll get it back in like three weeks. Also that troll spammed the review section with about six or seven reviews, I know this isn't the best story ever but geez. **

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_The smell was growing disgustingly stale. I should have never told Turkey about me being done with this, and that Spain would stop him from coming near Romano, or even let my brother out of sight. _

_I shouldn't have done that. _

_Now here I am grasping at the wall for support, choking on tears and cries of pain. It won't go away. _

_The pain.. _

_It will never go away now. _

_I'm officially scarred forever. _

_No one can help me._

_Was this all worth it? Just to keep Romano safe? _

_My hips feel like they're bruising again. _

_My lower back feels like it's going to break. _

_I can feel blood mixed with an all too familiar substance, run down my legs. _

_Romano.. Nanno.. Germany.. I'm so sorry. But I can't let anyone else deal with this pain.. _

"_Italy.. I don't think I love Romano anymore.." His voice echoed through the room, making my heart beat faster in fear. _

I woke with a start, pretty much screaming. Tears fell down my cheeks; I was shaking like a leaf.

That.. That was not a nightmare..

That was hell.

"Italy!" Someone shouted over my hysteria, "Italy please! Calm down!" I felt two large hands on my smaller in comparison shoulders.

I lost it.

"D-don't touch me!" I forced myself away, falling to the floor on my back. "Oww.." I was crying for a couple more seconds until the voice spoke again.

"I-Italy, did you have a nightmare?" Slowly looking up through my glossy eyes, I saw Germany. He looked nervous and kind of worried; He knelt down next to me. I instantly latched onto his arm, whimpering. "Should I take that as a yes?" He sighed, "What was it this time?"

Merda! I can't tell him! At least not yet! But that dream.. I could hear my thoughts.. Is that what might happen? To me..?

"I don't really want to talk about it Germany.. Can I tell you about later?" I asked, tightly hugging Germany, I felt so safe in his arms. He reminds me of.. Holy Rome..

"Ja, okay I guess. It's almost time for the world conference, you slept all day yesterday." Germany said, helping me up.

"Ve~? Really, why didn't you wake me up then..?" I asked, looking up at him, I would have thought id at least have a small hangover from the wine, maybe I just slept it off. Also it wasn't like Germany to let me sleep in, and now that I've been up before him with breakfast for him, Prussia and Austria. He definitely wouldn't have allowed it.

"I was, but no matter what I tried you wouldn't wake up.. So now that you're awake you should get ready for the world conference.. It's in 4 hours so you can shower if you'd like." Germany turned away from me walking out of the room. I wanted to call out to him and ask him to stay with me, but I didn't.

As soon as he was gone I grabbed my uniform, and other essentials for showering. Gently walking down the hall a habit I picked up was to be quieter so I could sneak around better.

"Mew." A soft meow broke me from my thoughts when I got to the bathroom door. Turning I saw my small cat friend Germouser, who was looking intently at the door.

Kneeling down slightly, I patted his head. "Sorry, Germouser you can't come in here. I don't think cats even like water.." Still the cat ignored me and trotted in. Getting up I was greeted with a pain in my stomach, and a dizzying feeling. I quickly moved over to the counter in the bathroom, splashing some water on my face.

"Eugh.. What just happend?" I asked nothing in particular, and gently resting a hand on my head. After I got over that, I looked in the mirror and almost cried.

_No matter what, Romano will always be better.. _

The words hit me and rung through my head. I'm tired of being used. After Spain makes his announcement today, I'm telling him about Turkey, but not what he's done to me.. Let's just hope it doesn't cause world war 3.. That would be a bad situation to put everyone in. Looking over my once beautiful reflection, I realized just how much self worth I had left... None..

My hair now looked dull, compared to the bright auburn it used to be. Now my honey eyes look life less. Not to mention how disgustingly large I look... I wonder if anyone's notice my lack of eating, then again.. I've avoided being around when everyone is eating. If they noticed I highly doubt they'd even care.

Sighing, I moved around Germouser who was looking sadly up at me. I smiled at him. Turning on the shower, striping of my cloths I looked at the bruises gracing my hips. Turkey has a strong grip. I am happy I actually got to sleep, even if I passed out from the alcho-

No.

No!

Shit!

I couldn't have drunken that much, it wouldn't make a difference! Right? Right..? Right... Turkey wouldn't notice hopefully, at least I wouldn't see the man at all today.. Wait there was a conference today wasn't there? I'd definitely see him today then.

Now I don't want to leave this house. I just want to stay here where I don't have to deal with that... That monster.

I frowned stepping into the shower, the warm water mixing with my silent tears that cascaded down my face. I silently sobbed into my hands, water soaking my hair, and body.

_Have you ever felt so disgustingly imperfect that you couldn't even love yourself anymore..? Like no matter what you can't do anything to amount to a standard of someone's liking...?_

I grabbed a bottle of shampoo, squirting some on my hand to lather in my hair. I liked the smell of this shampoo it smells like strawberries, I really like strawberries, their kinda like tomatos, speaking of. I wonder what Germany did with that ring... From Valentine's day.. Did he keep it? I don't think so, he seemed a bit embarrassed, actually scratch that. He was really embarrassed.

I actually feel bad for Germany, I was just kind of confused, and he didn't really do his timing right. We were ordering! He could have waited, it would have went down so much better than it did I wonder if Germany hates me because of it.. He still hangs around me though.

My thoughts drifted to when I was younger, when I lived with Grandpa.. When I was oblivious to the horrors of the world. When I could walk through a field of innocence. When I didn't know what anything was except for the beautiful field I use to dance and spin in. The field I had my first kiss. The field he left me in. Crying and telling him I would always await for him to return. Sometimes I thought of myself as a princess whose prince would come and save me. I wonder where my prince is now though, if he's still alive out there somewhere looking for me.

I wish my prince would save me now.. I feel like I'm disappearing into nothing but darkness and pain.

"Italy, are you okay...?" I heard an almost soft non-existent knock on the bathroom door, taking me from my thoughts; I just now realized I've probably been sitting here doing nothing for awhile now. The person I could tell from the voice was Germany.

"Uh, S-si! Is something wrong..?" I asked, turning off the shower, and stepping out.

"The meeting is going to start by the time we get there, hurry up." Germany said, in an almost demanding, yet soft tone, like he was being gentle and yet commanding at the same time, if thats possible.

"O-okay!" I looked at my blue army suit; I found it in a box of cloths in my room when I first started living with Germany. Quickly I put it on, looking at my reflection. I didn't want to go looking like I did.

_Should my outfit look this small on me..? Am I really that big..? _

_Maybe Turkey's right, I'll never be as good looking as Romano. I don't understand why everyone says I take after Grandpa, fratello looks more like him.* Then again, Turkey knew Romano and almost conquered his land, but Spain saved him before that could happen. I defeated Turkey without fail though. _

_But now I'm just weak, and pathetic. _

I hurried out of the bathroom door, since I wasn't looking up and I was watching Germouser who was walking in front of me, I almost tripped on the cat, avoiding him I ran into someone. "I'm sorry!" My face flushed with embarrassment, when I fell on my bottom. Looking up I saw Germany, who looked equally embarrassed.

"Uh.. Uh.. A-are you okay Italy?" He held his hand out to me; I took it gratefully smiling at him and nodding a simple yes. "Are you ready to go? Do you have your change of night cloths, and cloths for tomarrow...?"

I nodded one more time, "Yes, thank you Germany!" I gave a small smile. Wondering if he knew or could see that half of it was fake. Hugging him quickly than running downstairs to the door, "Come on Germany! We're going to be late!"

Prussia and Austria were already at the door waiting for me and Germany, Japan wasn't here to leave with us, he had spent the past three days at Greece's house. Prussia was happily poking at the aristocrats curl; the owner of said curl was blushing and glaring at him.

"Is everyone ready to go? Also is everyone ready to go to the restaurant Spain has asked everyone to go to after the meeting?" Germany asked walking down the stairs and grabbing his keys.

I nodded along with, Prussia and Austria. The four of us walked out to the car, getting into the vehicle. I sat in the passenger seat next to Germany, who sat in the driver seat. Prussia and Austria sat in the back seat.

"What do you think Spain's announcement is?" I mumbled, turning to look at the couple in the back seat, Prussia and Spain were close so I'm positive that Spain would have told him or France.

"Kesesese~ I can't tell, I promised. All that I can say is that Romano is going to be crying happily by the end of tonight!~" I looked at him questionably, tilting my head slightly. I moved it back when a strong pain shot up my neck, causing me to grab it and involuntarily yelp.

"Italy, are you okay? What happened?" Austria questioned me, putting a hand on my shoulder gently I flinched away as he frowned.

"I-I'm fine just kink in my neck nothing that bad!" I smiled again, turning my head to quietly look out the window. The houses at Germany's place were so pretty. The rest of the car ride was just Prussia annoying Austria, and me facing my window, thinking up my plan of how I was going to tell Spain about Turkey, and get away from the abuse I've been through.

If I told Spain first I wouldn't be able to tell Turkey I'm done with this, I know Spain won't let anything happen to Romano. But if I tell Turkey I'm done what if he goes after Romano? This is so stressful! I just want to curl into a ball and rot in a corner somwhere.

When we arrived at the meeting, (Which thankfully was at Germany's place, As in somewhere in Berlin not his actual house.) Everyone was already there. I happily ran over to Romano, hugging him. He turned and almost slapped me.

"Gah! Bastard! You scared me, what do you want!" Romano fully turned and glared at me. I smiled up at him, stepping back a bit.

"I just wanted to see you! Uh, where's Spain?" I looked around the two of us, I wish I didn't look behind Romano, I saw Turkey glaring at us. Mostly me though, the moment my eyes met his I wanted to run.

I knew what's going to happen soon.

"That damn tomato left me to go do something stupid." Romano rolled his eyes now fully looking at me, "Have you been eating fratello? You look smaller than usual, and your outfit looks baggy."

I didn't know what to say to Romano, I could just tell him I've been skipping meals, but I'm afraid he'll freak out on Germany, I sighed. Romano is going to be upset when I say this... I nodded, "Si.. I haven't been eating, but I just haven't been hungry please don't freak out, please.." I looked down expecting an outburst or a rant, but nothing happened I looked up at him, he looked shocked.

"C-che cosa...?" ... All he could say is what? Does this confuse him that much? I looked up at him, "But why, Veniciano..? You love pasta and everything.." Well at least he took it better than expected.

_**(A/N: I really don't want to interrupt the story with this but, If I got this wrong I hope I didn't offend anyone, used Google translate.. And don't know how to spell the name of which Romano calls Italy._. ^^;)**_

I shrugged, I knew why I wasn't but I couldn't tell anyone why just yet. I have to talk to Turkey first. But after the meeting, actually after the announcement might be best to do it. I don't know when to. Romano frowned at me, shaking his head.

"I can't yell at you if you're not hungry, but I'm taking you home with me so I make sure you get food." Romano stated, I looked at him with one of my 'I have no clue what the hell you're talking about' looks and asked him,

"You do remember everyone is going to the announcement Spain wants to make?" Romano glared at me, as I said that.

"I meant you're coming with me and Spain to the restaurant! Unless, the tomato bastards car actually- Never mind! But you better eat while we're there!" Romano almost shouted, I looked behind him to see Turkey glaring at me. His brown eyes, they looked at me with such disgust and disappointment. I nodded at what Romano had said.

"Okay everyone! It's time for another world meeting so take your seats at let the hero begin!" America shouted, all the side conversations stopped as everyone took their seat. I took mine next to Germany.

The meeting went like it normally did, America claiming to be the hero, annoying England, France saying something that annoyed both America and Britain. China telling people to try his food, Japan trying to keep Greece awake, Spain was clinging to Romano. Last was Turkey, he was sending me glares from across the room. I noticed he stood up and walked out of the room. Maybe all the fighting was getting to him? I don't know if it was an instinct, but I hugged my knees to my chest, hiding my face.

I stupidly let my thoughts drift off.

_I wonder if Germany would hate me for this, I wonder if anyone would think I'm even more pathetic than I am. _

_All the pain I've been through. I feel like I've become obsessed with this pain that is in my chest.. Right where my heart should be, it hurts so much there.. Turkey was right. I don't deserve to be with anyone, I deserve to be treated like a slave that succumbs to everyone's wishes. _

"_**This is something someone so pathetic should be used to.." **__The words cut through me like a knife, the words pained me, even more so than the physical pain I had bared. But I deserved it. _

_I deserve nothing but this endless pain. I could never stand by anyone's side. I betrayed everyone I cared for at one point or another. I can't even fight to save myself much less anyone else. _

_It now just hit me.. I don't deserve what I have. I don't deserve to live _

"_I deserve to die.." _

The room went quiet, I didn't know why though. I looked up to see everyone had their eyes on me, like I was the center of a Broadway show.

"I-Italy.. What did you say..?" It was Poland, he's actually a good friend of mine.. Why was everyone staring at me like this..? I haven't sai-

I deserve to die..

I said that out loud... And everyone heard it..

"N-nothing!" I smiled goofily.

_Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit._

The way everyone was looking at me, it just made me feel even worse. Everyone looked so surprised, if it was a joke everyone would probably be mad at me for saying it now. Too bad it isn't a joke though. I really deserve to die.

Everyone stared at me, either in worry, confusion, or just in a complete 'What the fuck?' manner. I smiled; the numb feeling in my chest grew stronger as I looked over everyone's faces. Romano looked like he was deep in thought, like he was trying to piece together a puzzle with missing pieces.

I still looked over everyone's expressions; my heart almost broke when I saw Germany. He was just looking at the table like I hadn't just said something about deserving to die. Moving a bit in my seat, I grew uncomfortable under everyone's stares. "E-excuse me I think I'm going to use the bathroom! Hehe~ Ciao!"

With that I got up from my seat and almost ran from the room, hoping I didn't cause too much of a scene.

My feet ran on instinct, I had no clue where I was running. Maybe it was away from all my pain, but I know I'll never be able to run away from that, no doctor, psychiatrist or anyone else can take this pain away; it's happily dug itself into my chest and will never want to leave.

I've grown used to it being there.. It's been there since I was a kid.. It only got worse as I grew older, if I were to rid myself of that pain now, I would do anything within my power to feel it again. It's a part of me now, something I just can't live without, even if I tried.

It's a part of me. That I don't think anything can heal.

_What was the point in keeping me around anyway? I never did anything useful, I just make everything worse.. I've betrayed almost everyone. They probably only keep me around out of pity.. _

_If a country could die.. Not by perishing, but by some twist of fate.. Just dyeing.. If I were to die.. would anyone care.. _

I felt a hand wrap around my waist and a hand clamp on my mouth so I couldn't scream, the person dragged me into what I guessed was a janitors closet. The next thing I knew, my head hit the wall pretty harshly. I looked up to see the angered filled eyes of Turkey..

"Why did you say that...?" My arm.. I couldn't feel it, he was squeezing it so tightly, I- I thought it was going to break.. I looked up at him, I knew my eyes reflected the terror I felt. I knew what was going to happen.. I knew what was going to happen next.. I always knew.

"I-I!" Not knowing what exactly to say, I just stuttered, tears forming in my eyes, he quickly looked away from me, looking at the door. In a swift movement he dropped me to the ground and walked over to the door, it was foolish of me to think he was leaving. He only locked the door.

_Nonononononononononono. Please not now, I didn't mean to say that out loud.. I didn't mean.. _

_I didn't want any of this to happen, but I love Romano too much to let him get hurt, even like this.. I love Germany; maybe I love him with all my heart. I'd do anything to make him happy! I'd do anything to make Romano happy too. _

He walked back over to me, grabbing my still bruised hips; I flinched and gave a small whimper. He grabbed me so roughly I thought I would break, which is silly now that I think about it.

I haven't even thought of myself as I used to for weeks, It had been three months, I only started staving myself a month ago.. When this whole thing started.., I've had barely any food for the time, only enough that I could think.. Hopefully at least.

"Well?" I didn't like the tone I heard it was more threatening than any other time. Looking at him, pleading with my eyes not to do this, not now.. Not here.. Anywhere but here. Stupidly ingnoring the question Turkey asked me, he growled angrily. Leading to me getting a punch across my face and stumbling backwards.

I wish I never walked out of the meeting in the first place, now look where I am.. It's about the 16, maybe 15 times, I've dealt with this, it probably doesn't seem like a lot, maybe I'm just complaining. I guess I'm use to this though. I know how to hide things from people.

Like three months ago, when I really started to feel down about how I looked, it was because I was out with Japan and Greece. The two of them wanted me to go with them, I don't know why or how, but they soon figured out about my love for Germany. Surprisingly they wanted to help, I was so happy I hugged them both; we were talking about how I could tell Germany I liked him. When a man walked over to the three of us, he looked at me and sneered. "Hey." I was greeted by a jab in the chest; Japan was about to say something; maybe even possibly hurt the man. But Greece stooped him, he was also glaring at the man, "If you're a girl you should dress like one."

Then he just walked away laughing. Japan had gently put a hand on my shoulder, "Don't let his words get to you Italy-kun."

I did though, they hurt. It didn't help that I had a small obsession with looking presentable anyway that just added to it.

I felt nails dig into my hips, breaking me from my thoughts; I had to bite my lip so I didn't cry out. Tears were starting to form in my eyes, and slowly slip down my cheeks.

I whimpered for someone to help me. Turkey laughed a bit, turning me around to face him.

"What was that my precious Roma..?" My stomach churned, I felt like I could just throw up, I wanted to at least. He smirked, looking at me. Harshly he removed my tie, speaking again,

"You know.." He trailed off, harshly biting into my neck. I had to bite my lip to a point where it was bleeding. No I wouldn't make a sound pain, "I've always wanted a part of Italy as my own.."

"W-what do you mean..?" I whimpered out, trying to stay quiet. I wouldn't let him know how much pain I was in.

He never answered, only smirking. Slowly slipping my pants off, he harshly shoved my tie in my mouth as a make shift gag, and tying my hands together with his belt.

* * *

I didn't know how long it was, but however long it was I spent it biting my tie softly crying in pain. When it was finally over, Turkey dropped me to the ground and glared at me..

"You're fun you know that?" He smirked at me, grasping a hand at my neck so I would be able to look at him, "But I know Romano would have been better. If only you were as perfect as Romano, Italy. So many people would love you.." I looked up at him, giving a quizzical look, and then I asked a stupid question.

I looked at him, silently questioning him. He sneered, "Look at yourself, do you really think anyone would love you..?" I looked down, those words hurt, they made my heart ache. He slowly kneeled down in front of me. "Do you see how fat you are...? Romano is so much smaller, Spain's so lucky to have him."

I looked at Turkey, waiting for him to leave so he wouldn't see the new tears forming in my eyes. He stood up, turning away from me.

"Bye."

He unlocked the door and left without another word. Slowly I started getting up and putting my pants back on. I'm glad we got a hotel room here; quietly I turned the light on to see the mess that may have been left. Luckily it wasn't that big and was easy to clean with what I could find. When I was done I left the room and quickly made it to the hotel room.

Germany, Prussia, Austria and I were sharing the same room so we all got a key. I was glad I could find it, with a flick of my wrist I unlocked and opened the door hurrying inside the room. Glancing at the clock I sighed, the meeting's normally last about four to five hours, it's been going for at least two.. I wonder if anyone's worried..

Probably not.

I looked down at my clothes, they were dirty, and so was I. Inside and out.. Deciding it would be best to take another shower to rid myself of the smell that was making me guiltier about this whole mess.

When I turned the water on I was calmed slightly, but not enough to do anything.

I keep thinking of everything Turkeys said to me.. Every word.. Each one hurt more than the last.

"_You look hideous today, did you even look in the mirror..?" That was the second time we met, he thought it would be fun to see if he could fit his entire fist in my mouth, my jaw hurt for two weeks after that. He has big hands actually.. _

"_How much pasta have you been eating lately? Your outfit looks smaller than usual," Turkey sneered at me, jabbing my stomach harshly. I let out a whimper of pain, only to receive a smack across the cheek at that point I learned not to show I was in pain. _

"_I still don't see why everyone thinks' you're better than your brother, he's so small, you're disgustingly huge." I looked down, Turkey was right I was fat. _

_No one could love me, Turkey was right. Whoever said they did, was just saying it out of pity. _

I opened my eyes quickly, tears mixed with the water, I took a shaky breath. Gently stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a plush white towel around my waist. Breathing in the smell of strawberries, I started to put on cloths to sleep in.

Tiredly I looked at my reflection, I was wearing a navy blue button up Germany had given me, and a pair of pink boxers; I haven't slept in something this exposing in a while. Though I was alone in the hotel room, and the door was locked so I could sleep comfortably.

Quietly, and sadly I walked over to one of the two beds in the room, snuggling under the covers. One thought crossed my mind while I laid there.

I wish Germany was here right now, to keep me warm. Maybe even make me feel happy again at least for a little.

With that thought crossing my mind, I happily let myself slip into a much needed, natural sleep.

* * *

**Thank you to everyone that's been reviewing and reading even (Especially the anon! Reviewer thank you UuU) ! I spent most of my time wirting this looking up depressing anorexia songs... -Rolls away- **

**Ohhh! Who can guess what Spain's announcement is? Someone on Devart got it ;3 I was hoping I could put the announcement in this chapter but I felt it would just make it confusing e.o I decided to make a Tumblr! So if anyone wants to see what I'm up to, you can check it out. **

**Also speaking of that site. Someone said something about this being a comic on Tumblr..? Am I uninformed or does this just seem similar to that..? Because if someone drew a comic strip or art based off this story I'd probably just role around crying.. **

**Also sorry about any mistakes that are in there I try to make sure everything's there. Sometimes when I upload files this site kicks some words off.**

_**~*I edited a bit of this chapter do to reasons*~**_

* * *

_Funfact: I came up with the idea for this story when I was listening to the song Clarity._

_ I wondered what it would be like for Italy to have an eating disorder. _

_And thus the idea for this story came to be._


	6. Will you marry me?

_**Jeez guys, I really did not expect people to like this story.. Honestly, and yes I know of the people who like this and aren't reviewing ;3 hehe~ **_

_**Also the people who guessed Spain's announcement and got it right are:**_

**Sarah .Provo .5! (The site won't let me put your name right ;-; I'm sorry..)**

_**And somebody on DA that I forgot ^^; **_

_**Bwahhh! The people that are reviewing this are so nice! Thank you all for the wonderful and kind feedback!**_

* * *

_Purple, green, pink and red flowers lightly swayed in the wind. I gently moved some strands of my hair out of my face. This was my safe haven, nothing can hurt me here. Everyone is happy here, I'm so happy here. The numbing pain that was in my chest when I'm awake isn't there now. The intense hunger in my stomach fades here too. _

"Italy! Get up! You can't just skip out of a meeting to sleep!" My eyes abruptly opened and I yelped falling off the bed.

"Ve~? Germany..? What time is it?" I looked around for the clock, geez this is a hotel where is it..?

"It's five o'clock! You left the meeting an hour in!" Germany yelled at me, I looked up at him numbly. He gently stretched his hand towards me, I took it and stood up.

"I'm sorry Germany, please don't be mad! I won't do it again I promise!" I rambled; I don't want him to be mad at me right now, not after... That..

Germany glared at me sternly then sighed, "Just get ready to go to the restaurant,"

I smiled nodding, "Yes sir!~" I wonder if he forgot what I said... Or did he even care? If he did care then he would have asked if something was wrong, but he hasn't.

He looked at me, then turned away. I felt a small pain hit my chest, it was small but enough to make me want to cry. As he walked out into the kitchen part of the hotel room I grabbed a nice suit, (That I doubted even fit me) and entered the bathroom.

"_Honestly Germany! I don't see why you keep that boy around!"_ I wonder why Austria was speaking German? I didn't understand many of the words, only don't and around. I wonder what he said.

"_He is my friend!"_ Germany must have replied, still not understanding what they were saying I started to dress, avoiding looking at my body.

My fat, pathetic body.

"You know Italy's weak!" Austria was now finally speaking English, I guess I now know what their argument was about, I would cry but I think I've cried myself out today.

"He may be weak, but that doesn't mean I have to use him as a slave, or leave him to die somewhere!" Germany replied, he sounded pretty angry; maybe I just annoyed him enough for him to react like this.

Refusing to listen to anymore of the conversation I started to put on the simple black button up shirt, with my blue tie and a pair of blue dress pants. Even though I didn't want to look in the mirror I did, I hated what I saw. I haven't been eating for two weeks! I've actually been training when Germany has me train! Why does it look like I've gained weight! Perché!? **{Why}**

Wanting nothing more than to slide down the wall and think of all the things that made me unlovable, I sighed and looked at my reflection making a list of all my flaws.

_Dull, copper hair – _

_My eyes were a disgusting color, I always walk around with them closed so people don't have to bear with them- _

_Fat. I was freaking fat. No one could love someone that looked as big as I do.. Thats why I'm starving myself, I want to look nice.. And maybe want Germany to like me.. No love me. _

_I was useless all I ever did was sit and make pasta at one point. I always betrayed my friends. _

_I'm pretty sure Romano doesn't even care about me anymore! Even if he hates me, I don't think I would bear to see his mental state after being raped.. I don't want to see him get hurt anymore.. He's already been through a lot in his life.. _

_I don't want to see him like that... Not again.._

* * *

"_**Romano! You came to visit me!" Italy happily ran over to his older brother, promptly hugging him and giggling when his brother cursed at him. **_

"_**Gah! S-stop that fratello, you bastard!" Romano glared at his little brother, unconsciously pulling the sleeves of his shirt down, a notion that didn't go unnoticed by the younger of the two siblings. **_

"_**Fratello are you okay..?" Italy tilted his head, frowning a bit, and actually opening his eyes they shined with concern for the older boy. "You're acting differently and it's not normal to wear long sleeves in the middle of summer!"**_

_**Romano looked away, crossing his arms childishly, refusing to look at his brother, "It's nothing to worry over, I'm fine.." **_

_**But he wasn't fine, that was around the time he thought he was useless, and meant nothing. Not even to Spain. Romano secretly snuck outside with one of the special swords Spain had kept put up. How Romano even got to them was beyond anyone's knowledge. **_

_**Romano would sneak out into the field, and cut himself with one of the small swords Spain had. The southern Italian was fascinated by how the crimson liquid would slip through the wound, he didn't know why though. **_

_**During the second night of Romano visiting his younger brother, he accidentally cut his hand on a broken plate. **_

"_**Oh no fratello you're hurt!" Italy ran to his side with a cloth to wrap his brothers' hand up. "... Fratello, what's wrong with your arm..?" His copper haired brother was holding it with such care, the older didn't know even existed in him. **_

"_**Nothing," Romano snapped, hastily moving his hand away from the northern Italians hold. "Okay I-I.." The older Italian was starting to feel faint, resting the non-bandaged hand on his head he fell to his knees. **_

_**The only thing he hears before blacking out was his brothers cries of "Fratello please wake up!' And 'Ms. Hungary! Mr. Austria! Big brother Spain! Someone help!' **_

_**He finally passed out after that.. **_

_**... **_

_**When he came to, the first thing he realized was that he was lying on a soft bed, kind of like what nobles would sleep on. Next he noticed Veneziano sitting on a chair next to his bed, slumped over and quite literally sobbing his eyes out. **_

"_**Ve-Veneziano..?" He sounded so frail at the moment, what happened..? **_

_**Said boy gasped through his sobs, looking up to meet the hazel gaze of his older brother, he smiled. "Romano! You're okay! I was so scared!" Italy paused, thinking of hugging his brother. **_

"_**Yeah yeah, what happened..?" Romano asked, allowing the hug that his brother gave him after deciding. **_

"_**... You passed out while helping Italy with the dishes," Another voice answered, it wasn't Italy's though, both brothers snapped their heads to look at the door. **_

"_**Big brother Spain!" **_

"_**Tomato bastard?!" **_

_**Spain nodded his head, he wasn't smiling like he normally was, he just looked solemn. "Italy.. Can you leave so I can talk to Romano...?" **_

_**Italy nodded, leaving the room. Romano had actually been asleep for at least two days, and the younger sibling flat out refused to leave his side. He was too young to understand why Romano had all the scars, and cuts on his arm. He walked by the room Austria, Ms. Hungary, and big brother France sat, even Poland was there but he seemed uninterested. **_

"_**Oh Italy dear! There you are! Is Romano awake?" Hungary smiled as Italy sadly lumbered in the room. She received a melancholy glance, with a nod. **_

"_**Si... But why won't anyone tell me what's wrong with him..?" Italy asked, rocking on his heels. He was worried, Romano was his last living family member after all. **_

_**Hungary sighed, taking Italy's hand and leaned in front of him. "Italy, Romano has a type of depression..." **_

_**... He knew what depression was, it hurt him to know his brother was doing this because he was sad. **_

_**That day he promised to do anything that would keep Romano from doing something similar to that.**_

* * *

I stared at the mirror in front of me, giving a melancholy sigh I turned to exit the room before I got dragged out. Delicately I turned the knob, bracing for myself for a long lecture on the way over to the restaurant.. I think it was Olive Garden that Spain wanted everyone to be at.. I really don't want to talk to anyone.

"Italy! Hurry up!" I could hear Austria shout from somewhere in the other room. Sighing I hurried out, closing the door.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked, looking into the room where the three Germans sat. Germany was glaring at the door, quickly tapping his foot.

"Nien! We are leaving now." The blond stood up, still keeping his glare locked on the door, I guess he's mad about me skipping the meeting. Really mad.

Austria and Prussia followed, I quickly ran over to my suitcase putting my resting cloths in it. Quickly I turned and left with the three men.

The entire car ride I tried to keep quiet, I was drifting in and out of my thoughts, trying not to focus on the pain that I felt on my hips. Again I just let my thoughts slip. Unconsciously I looked down at my legs, they looked like watermelons. Fat watermelons, what was I going to do at the restaurant? I couldn't eat! I.. I... I would just get fatter!

Germany won't love me if I'm fat... So I need to lose weight... I need to be skinny... Then I will be more likable! Maybe Germany wouldn't get as angry at me if I did... I could eat the food then throw up the contents later... Hopefully within a 20 minute time span.

Who am I kidding? I'm too fat that even if I tried I couldn't lose weight! Germany hates me, and now I know, even though I knew before.. He thinks I'm useless just as much as everyone else does. I deserve this pain, I deserve it so much more than anyone else.. I averted my gaze to outside the window, the lights that went by calmed my now depressed mind a bit. Sighing quietly, I eagerly awaited the night to be over.

* * *

"Veneziano, is there something wrong? Did that potato bastard hurt you?" My older brother asked me from my left, I could tell he was worried about something, though I don't know what it was.

"No.." I sighed, shaking my head. I just didn't want to be here, we are all waiting for the food to com and be served. The only think to eat on the table at the moment was bread and butter.

Did you know, bread is one of the most fattening foods? That's why I can't touch it... Or the pasta.

"Then what's wrong fratello?" Romano asked, for once actually sounding calm. I shook my head, whispering a small 'nothing' He shook his head, sighing a bit. "Okay, whatever you say.. Hey do you know what's up with the tomato bastard?"

"Hmm? Oh no, but I guess it's something important," I looked down at Romano's plate, he was almost done. Spain was sitting on Romano's left, talking to who I guessed was either Belgium or France.

"I wish he'd hurry up and say it already. Why aren't you talking to the potato bastard? Did you fight with him or somthing?" Romano sounded quite concerned when he asked me this, he was glaring at Germany who sat to my right, I guess Germany was too busy dealing with his brother to notice what Romano had even said.

I turned to look at Romano, leaning closer to his ear, "It's nothing fratello, he was just upset earlier so I want to let him cool down, he was upset I skipped half the meeting to sleep.." And keep you safe.. I said that last part to myself.

"Why did you leave so suddenly? What was with that outburst to?"

"I-I don't know, I just said it so everyone would shut up than I left because I felt uncomfortable with everyone looking at me."

Romano was about to say something when Spain cut him off.

"Everyone! Everyone can I have your attention!" Spain said loudly, getting everyone to look in his direction. He smiled, when people looked his way. "Thank you all for coming! Romano, can you come here please?"

"Okay..?" Romano raised his eye brow, getting up and gently bounding up next to Spain, "What is it?"

Spain smiled kneeling down in front of Romano, pulling out a small box and opening it gently. "Lovino Vargas, I've know you since you were a small child. We've always have been there for each other. I helped you when you had Choreia, I taught you how to dance the Tarantella. When I was sick you increased your imports to me, despite you yourself having a cold.."

Spain paused, and took a deep breath, I could tell he was nervous, despite me wanting to I glanced over at Turkey.. He looked furious. Quickly I snapped my head back to the scene in front of me.

"You always found a way to cheer me up when I was down... And I want to know.." He took another deep breath and look up at Romano, opening the box slowly.

"Lovino Vargas.. Will you marry me?"

There were so many gasps throughout the room. I smiled, and actually teared up. Romano gasped putting a hand to his mouth.

"T-Tomato bastard! Sp- Antonio.. Si!" He threw his arms around the Spaniard, crying. I couldn't believe it, my brother was crying. He was actually crying in front of so many people. "S-si! I will marry you..!"

I smiled, along with so many others. Some people got up and clapped, fearfully I turned my head slightly only to meet the gaze of an angered Turk. I had to resist the urge to run over and talk to him.. And beg him to leave Romano alone, I wanted to tell Spain what he was planning to do to Romano.. Looking over at Germany he was smiling slightly.

"Ge-Germany..?"

He looked at me and his small smile faltered. "Ja Italy?"

I looked down nervously playing with the hem of my shirt, "I.. I'm sorry about skipping the meeting, something happened and I really didn't feel like I could go back there.." He nodded, looking at me.

"It's okay Italy.. What happened that made you unable to go back?" Germany looked at me concurringly, shaking my head I sighed.

"It.. It's nothing okay?" I smiled up at him brightly, "Don't worry about it!"

"Okay..." He turned, then faced me again, "Italy why didn't you eat anything?"

My eyes widened as I looked at my plate, I didn't touch anything on the plate in front of me.. I didn't want to eat it, I knew I was gonna get fat.. If I got fat Germany wouldn't like me.. No one would like me. "I-I'm not hungry!" My eyes flicked over to Turkey, who was glaring at me and Germany.

He frowned and nodded, "Okay, but when you're hungry eat. But make sure it isn't pasta." The blond turned to face his brother.

Well that certainly hurt, was Germany implying that I'm fat? He was! I looked down not wanting to cry in front of Germany, sighing I looked towards Turkey, who was still glaring at me. I blinked and looked down, tears slipped down my face.

I got up and walked towards Turkey, oh lord have mercy on my soul.

"T-Turkey, we need to talk." I said as quietly as I could when I got next to him.

"Okay, little Italy. What is it?" He smirked looking at me.

"Ca-can we talk in private?" I asked gently, folding my hands together. "Please..?"

He smirked and grabbed my hand, "Come on little Italy, let's go." He dragged me out of the restaurant, I looked back to see if anyone was watching us leave, no one seemed to be watching. No one is going to save me if I get hurt.

Once we were outside he dragged me out to his car, slamming my back into it. I gave a gasp of pain, he grinned pressing his lips against mine.

A few seconds later he pulled back, "What did you want to talk about?" He smirked at me, jabbing my stomach, causing me to cry out in pain.

"I wanted to ask you what you felt about the proposal..?" I asked him, looking to the side.

"I'm not too happy about it.. But you're second best, at least I can have you.. Even if you're fat.." He smirked at me lifting my chin up. He looked at me for a couple seconds before harshly saying, "Get in the car." I looked at him, silently asking why, he only told me to get in the car again, so I did.

"Text your stupid potato friend and tell him you're staying with a friend tonight." I looked at him confusingly, and then it clicked.

Two times in one day..

God help me,

I nodded, fearfully taking out my phone and shakily writing the text. It sent with a small 'Ding'

"Good. I guess I have a bit too much anger right now.." He smirked noticing that I was terrified

I just had to repeat to myself 'this is all for Romano! This is all for Romano'

Hurray for probably not being able to walk for the next week.. I silently sighed, it was time for me to protect Romano once again..

And the sad fact is, I'm going to probably enjoy it, than be completely disgusted with myself.. Looking at the window the last thoughts on my mind were,

_'Romano, Germany.. Nanno.. Please forgive me for this one day.. I'm sorry I'm so weak.. I just want to protect Romano.. from..' _I looked over at Turkey.._ 'What ever this monster Turkey has turned into is..'_

* * *

**Soooo? How was this chapter? If it was rushed I'm sorry.. hehe.. **

**Anyway next chapter.. Do you guys want to see uhm... Some lemony lemon... stuff..? God knows what I could come up with.. I kinda want to write it and kinda don't.. If I do write something like full blown porn, I may have it separate so I don't get the entire story banned.. If anyone wants to see it just let me know, or I'll just move on to the next few days following after. Oh yeah and during the flash back with Romano and cutting, I read in this one fanfiction that Romano secretly stole one of Spains swords to do that, I just forgot which fanfic..**

**Also I start school on the fifth ;_; That means I may or may not update until like.. Thanksgiving.. So after next chapter please expect a ****hiatus, but this will be one of my longest story's so that should make up for it right?**

**-I apologize for any mistakes!-**


	7. A different point of view

**Whoop~! Here's a short filler chapter, it's basically Turkey's feelings..**

**I want to thank everyone for all the kind feedback! Honestly, some of the things I've read in the reviews are so nice! Thank you for reading my story, I never really thought people would like it... **

**Thank you all so much~! **

**I just want to add a quick thing~ Turkey is one of my favorite characters, but I just thought his role would fit for being the bad guy here.. **

**Don't worry though~ Germany and Romano will find out about this in about two or three chapters~ **

**Thank you all again for the kind feedback!~**

* * *

A insane smirk graced Turkeys lips as he held a rope in his hands, knotting and twisting it around. Dirty, sexual thoughts spun through his head.

All of them were of a certain Italian...

A certain southern Italian...

_Romano..._

Turkey grinned at the thought of Romano being his, to feel the tan, honey colored skin of the young man. To feel the man withering beneath him, moaning his name. Hearing him cry out in pleasure with every reckless thrust the Turk could give.

_Rough hands ran down beautiful, sun-kissed skin. Soft moans drifted throughout the room, edging one of them on. _

_Oh how Turkey wanted this. _

Every thought, every imagined moan, everything would be so perfect.

If it weren't for the Italians significant other..

_Spain..._

Ever since the Turks first attempt to kidnap the young Italian, Spain refused to let him out of his sight until he knew Romano could take care of himself. Though Turkey knew it never stopped Spain from worrying.

The rope Turkey was playing with fell from his hands as an idea struck him.

The idiotic Spaniard was leaving for France and was going to be gone for a week! Then he could have Romano all to himself...

Then Romano would be his...

_Forever... _

He picked the rope up and once again began spin it around, laughing darkly.

~... '-'...~

_Today was the day..._ Turkey grinned, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. The bags contents were of rope, and a special drug that could knock anyone out easily.

He hadn't expected to run into Romano's little brother, the annoying North Italy. Italy smiled up at him, though Turkey could feel a slight sense of fear radiate from the boy.

After sometime they both decided to walk, talking about little things. Well, talking until Italy pulled a loose rope that was hanging out of the bag, effectively pulling the thing off his shoulder and onto the ground,.

The bag opened, he could almost laugh at the terrified gasp that the country gave as he watched the drug roll out. The fear that now laced the young man's eyes as he began to yell.

Then he made the deal.

The younger of the two brothers agreed to substitute for the older one.

Turkey smirked, he would just make the boys life a living hell and enjoy watching him break. That's what the boy got for getting in his way.

No one will be able to stop him either.

He would stop at nothing to get Romano.

Even if it means breaking his brother, making him want to die.

He smirked, watching the red-head sob beneath him.

Oh yes~ He would have a lot of fun breaking the pasta loving freak.

Turkey couldn't wait to begin.

* * *

**You guys may have also noticed I changed my pen name, I just felt my old one was silly and decided to change it ^^**

**Thank you all once again for reading this!~**

**Also this is just to help keep the story off of hiatus, I will have a full chapter coming out soon!~**


	8. When you get this, call me back

**Oh my godddd~! An update :3 I wanna ask for help with a better title.. I really don't like the one this has now... **

**I hope this chapter makes sense around the end... I decided to switch to third person POV around the middle and the end. **

**Oh! There is also going to be a preview for the ending of the next chapter~**

**Okay, this is the latest chapter I had posted so I just want to write this here, if anyone noticed I removed the chapter's because of something someone had done. **

**So now I am re-uploading all the chapters. **

**Sorry for any inconvenience **

* * *

I sat in the car next to Turkey, blankly staring out the window. Nervously glancing at him now and again.

Every few times I glanced at him, he had a smirk gracing his lips. His hands gripped tightly to the steering wheel, I had no clue where we were going and I didn't really care. All I wanted was to go somewhere far away from here. Somewhere where I can enjoy some solitude.

"Italy..." Turkey's voice echoed in the small car, catching my attention. I averted my gaze from the void of darkness to the brunette man.

I didn't say anything as I looked at him. I could tell his grip only tightened as I refused to answer. Quite frankly I didn't care if he gets mad at me. I don't think I care about anything anymore..

Okay, I do care about Romano, Germany and Mrs. Hungary. Though that's all I think I care about at the moment.

The car stopped abruptly in front of an expensive looking house, my best guess what that we were at Turkey's house already...

That was quick, but then again, it was easier for countries to get around. I actually have no clue how the system works, portal maybe? I don't remember at the moment..

I had more important things to think about, and talk about.

Turkey smiled at me as he got out and moved over to my side, opening the door. I unbuckled the seat belt, yelping loudly when he grabbed my wrist roughly, dragging me into the house.

I've been here a few times over the course of the past two months, so I knew my way around.

I refused to say a word, from what's happened the other times I doubt that talking will get me anywhere.

So if I just stay quite maybe I won't have to deal with as much.

Maybe..

Turkey stopped and turned towards me, a smirk graced his features, "Oh Italy~ what is it? Cat got your tongue?" I stopped and looked up at him questionably.

I opened my mouth to finally say something to him since the car ride, but I couldn't form a single sentence. There was nothing I could say at the moment; maybe I could talk to him about the proposal... Or maybe I should tell him that I'm done with all of this, that I'm telling Spain what Turkey was planning.

Turkey glared at me, "Italy, stop ignoring me will ya? Or do I have to hurt you?" Nervously I looked him in the eyes and took a deep breath.

"Now that Spain and Romano are going to get married, I'm going to tell Spain. He'll have some sort of plan made so that Romano is safe, and if anything he is going to be at Romano's side at all given times." The words slipped from me before I could even think; still I continued talking against my better judgement, "Spain won't be too happy once he finds out what you were planning on doing to my brother,"

Turkey didn't say anything to me, his eyes darkened, making me flinch fearfully. I took a step back in the long hallway we were in. The brunette man grabbed my arm harshly before I could move back anymore.

"That wouldn't be a good idea Italy..." He pulled he towards him in a haste movement, I yelped in alarm involuntarily, "If you know what's good for you.."

Turkey picked me up and slung me over his shoulder, I struggled, pounding my fists on his back, that didn't stop him. He continued to walk to whatever destination he chose. Slowly I stopped pounding on his back, and sighed, I was already out of energy...

The Turk opened a door, as he walked in I looked around gently and could tell it was his bedroom. His room was really pretty actually, despite him being crazy he knew how to decorate. His bed was a pure gorgeous white that mixed with the dark crimson walls. Satin drapes hung around the room, making it have more of an olden feel.

As soon as Turkey set me down on his bed, I made it a mission to get as far away from him as possible, so I tried to push myself as far as I could to the wall, trying to shrink and not exist. Turkey only chuckled at my action, smirking at me.

"Oh common Italy, I'm not going to hurt you... Yet..." His smirk faded into a dull, bored look. I looked at him with confusion, still pressing my back into the wall as best as I could, our eyes never left each others. He turned and walked over to the door of the room, "I have to do something, you are not allowed to leave this room, if you try to leave one of my soldiers will just drag you back here and you will have to face a punishment, got it?"

Confusingly and nervously, I nodded, watching him shout orders in his language then close the door with one last glance at me. For a second I could have sworn I saw a tint of pink on his cheeks, maybe the stress of this situation is getting to me...

I sat and looked around the room, it was well furnished as I had stated earlier. With nothing to do, and being stuck in this room for god knows how long, I decided to rest a bit. Today sure had been eventful, and tiring.

Before my head hit the pillow I remembered I had my phone on me, maybe I could talk to Germany! It's the most calming thing I can do. Quickly I whipped my phone out of my boot, I guess Turkey forgot to take it from me, that was a good thing.

_1 new message. _

A small, almost non-existent smile graced my face when I saw those words flash across the screen; quickly I opened my cellular device to read the new message.

_Alright Italy, just remember we have another meeting tomorrow. Don't miss it. Even you need to be caught up with the word's affairs. _

Oh.

No, 'be safe, Italy' or 'If you need anything just call me.'

Not a single word of care.

None.

Tears slowly built up in my eyes, in a small fit of rage I threw my phone into a corner of the room, on the scarlet carpet, not caring where it landed. I rubbed my eyes harshly, tears slipping down my face freely now.

Soft sobs and sniffles escaped me, my facade was shattering and I couldn't stop it. I'm all alone. All I want is for Romano to be safe, if doing this is the way then so be it.

I want Romano to be safe, I want him to feel like he's cared for.

My head hit the pillow softly, the cloth soaking up my fat tears; I wrapped my arms around myself for a small bit of comfort. Just a tiny bit.

My walls of security fell, as hard as I tried to not fall asleep I did.

This bed is just too comfy.

* * *

Turkey glared at one of his soldiers, asking if Italy had attempted to leave. Turkey knew Italy wouldn't try to leave if Romano was threatened, or if one of his punishments were involved.

The brunette opened the door to his room with a small, yet harsh shove as soon as he walked in his eyes landed on the sleeping red-head.

He could almost sneer, such a pathetic excuse for a person ever.

He shouldn't have even been born.

That damned red-head got in the way of what Turkey really wanted.

Romano.

Oh yes. Tonight would be the worst for Italy; he's so frail now, even though he was already like a twig. Before Italy had started to lose all of the weight he had, he had a slight curve that made him look like a girl. Turkey enjoyed calling Italy out on it during their 'special' meetings. The Italian was already very up kept with his looks, trying to make sure he was perfect so calling him out on something like a small curve will bring him down.

Turkey could have stopped there, but oh no, he wouldn't stop right there. No, seeing Italy freak out over someone pointing out such a small, insignificant flaw was almost too good to pass up, so Turkey went to the one thing that would make Italy desperate to become perfect and stop at nothing.

He enjoyed seeing Italy shatter, watching him become depressed. The Italian deserved it after all. He was pathetic and annoying.

The brunette walked over to the red-heads side, staring down at him, a sly smirk graced his lips as he thought of more ways to mentally shatter the Italian. So many fun, sadistic ways.

It was Italy's own fault for getting himself stuck in this mess. It was truly his own fault.

Turkey let his smirk falter slightly, reaching a hand out to firmly shake the Italian awake, smirk growing as the Italians eye's gently fluttered open.

* * *

I stirred when I felt something on my shoulder, my eyes fluttered open gently. Where was I? Oh right I was at-

Oh no! Was I supposed to fall asleep! I jumped away from the hand, still a bit drowsy.

He was smirking at me, his dark brown hair was covering his eyes. It would have been nice to be able to form a sentence at the moment, but for whatever reason I was too afraid to speak.

"Oh Italy, I have a question for you.." Turkey spoke up, a small amount of melancholy drifted on his words, "Why do you continue to love Germany when you know he hates you?"

The question took me by surprise, now that I think about it I don't know why I still love Germany... The more I continue to be near him, the more my chest hurts.

"I-I... I don't know... I.. I guess it's because he's saved me on so many occasions..."

"... Oh..." Turkey sighed, sitting down, "You know he hates you..."

"I..." Tears clouded my vision, the truth was right here in front of me, no point on pretending it isn't there, "..I know he does..."

Turkey sneered at me, "Why are you so pathetic? I wish I could have Romano instead..."

A question, one that I've been wondering for a while now... "Why do you love Romano so much... That you would have went so far as to rape him...?"

Turkey shrugged, "Because, he's beautiful, amazing, he doesn't eat like a pig, I'm sure he has more strength then you..."

He trailed off, glancing at me every few seconds.

"... C-... Can I just head back to the hotel? If you remember there is another meeting tomorrow..." I sighed, playing with the hem of my 10 size to small shirt.

"Nah," Turkey stretched, leaning back on his bed, right next to me... "I think we'll just stay right here, who cares if you don't show up to a meeting?"

I flinched and scooted over a bit, "I don't know... Romano?" I whispered the last part hopefully.

I'm sure Turkey is lying when he says Romano hates me...

Romano's my brother.. He... He doesn't hate.. me... Ri-right?

With a small whimper I buried my face in my hands, tears wetting my palms.

"So you have no one you could think of that loves you?" He laughed as he mocked me, I sniffled and nodded.

No one, I wish someone did... There was no one who cared enough... Would it be better if I just died.

"No.. No one cares..." I whimpered, mostly to myself.

"You know Italy~" Turkey moved closer to me, slowly wrapping his arm around my waist. I stiffened, eyes widening. His tone scared me slightly. "I can make you feel loved~ As much as I would hate to do it~"

I shoved him away from me... Well I tried to at least... "No... No.. Whatever you're implying, I don't want to do it..."

"Well, If you don't, I could always hurt Romano..." Turkey grinned; he sure does know how to get me to give in...

"No!" I grabbed the collar of his shirt, "Please don't hurt Romano! Turkey please! I-I'll do anything!"

Turkey smirked, roughly shoving me down, I yelped in pain. Looking up at him with wide amber eyes, I wondered if this would ever end.

"Okay, but I have one question... Are you going to run off and tell? Just like the pathetic weakling you are?" He glared at me, digging his fingers into my shoulder blade. I whimpered and shook my head no.

"N-no! I promise I won't tell!" Terror laced my voice as I shook my head no.. He quickly tore off my jacket with one of his hands, I watched as the fabric fell to the floor in a messy clump.

"Y'know, I don't believe you Italy..." He replied, gently undoing part of my shirt, I squirmed around a bit until Turkey made a sound close to a growl and roughly gripped my waist.

I sat up straight he moved his hand lower, "Turkey.. Pl-please stop... You-you're hurting me.."

Turkey glared at me, slowly raising his fist.. "No..."

I cried out in pain when his fist connected with face..

The next thing I remembered was blacking out...

* * *

Germany ran a hand through his usually slicked back hair, it had been an hour since he sent the text to Italy, and during that past hour he called the bubbly Italian at least three times. Each time there was no answer.

He was beginning to worry about Italy, he seemed so weak now... God he looked more petite than he had when they first met. Germany wasn't oblivious, he noticed something was up but decided that Italy would just get over it on his own... Even Italy not eating pasta at Germany's home was beginning to worry the German man. _No.. _Germany thought to himself, _Nothing is wrong with Italy.. I'm sure he is fine.._

But something had to be wrong, Italy always called back or answered his phone in a matter of seconds...

The blond glanced over at Italy's suitcase, sitting neatly next to the hotel bed they were sharing, or at least were going to share..

Germany decided it would be safe to call Italy one more time before going to bed.

Nervously he typed in the number, holding the phone up to his ear.

"Ciaoo!~ This is Italyy~! I'm not here right now, please call again!~"

Germany left a message before closing his phone, sighing he set it down.

As he fell asleep, he wished he could hold the small Italian in his arms. His last thought's of the night were of the sweet, pasta loving Italian, hoping that wherever he was he was at least safe.

* * *

"_Hello Feliciano, It's been an hour since I sent a message to you, I've called you three times, when you get this please call me back... I am worried about you."_

* * *

**Well? How was it? **

**I hope it was good... **

**Oh yeah vwv I decided it would be nice to use their human names, (Which is going to happen a lot as the story get's more serious..) So that explains Germany's voice mail!**

**Anywayyyy here is the preview!: **

_I took a deep breath, tears clouded my vision as I looked over the hotel room. My amber eyes landed on the note I left for Germany, along with the cross necklace he had given me once. Both were on the pillow of the bed me and Germany were supposed to share. The note was my final good bye... _

_Though as I promised, I would't tell... All the note had was my good bye.. _

**That's all I'm gonna share for now, is that something interesting to make you want more?**


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